she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There r osticjed everywhere
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
