And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
