Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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