dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
