I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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