Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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