dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
