Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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