Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
