The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
