Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
