Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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