I can text with my tongue
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
