It's like God shit irony all over that family
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
