Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
