Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
