I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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