i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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