Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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