Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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