Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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