if you like me you must not know who I am
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
thus making me awesome and them whores
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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