I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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