well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
