Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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