A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
