She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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