you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
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I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dear god my vagina.
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