meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
