i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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