maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
