Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
