brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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