god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
