are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
