he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
