But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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