I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
