I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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