I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
