I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
