I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
