So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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