I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
