am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
