don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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