you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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