I want to have your abortion
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
