im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
