dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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