Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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