I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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