If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
