Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize