What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
