youre lurking in front of me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize