He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I could fuck to npr.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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