Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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