Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
