Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
