Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
