No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
