He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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