I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
