My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The dick lei will go down in squad history
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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