i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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