Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
