The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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