you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
