I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
