I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize