I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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