Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
