So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
