my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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