try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
