It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
