I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
