:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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