alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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