All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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