i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
