He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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