Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
