I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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