I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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