what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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