Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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