Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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