I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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