can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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