Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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